Posted in Musings

Reflections on being a Child Free!!


I am beginning this blog with a quote from Maya Angelou. It is one of my favorite quotes. I find it very inspiring and it resonates with me a lot.

I am enroute. I am still enroute.  I don’t know when I know enough. I know, I know a lot and I am grateful for that. I know I know enough to try to live what I know. That’s a lot. But I still don’t have it all.

I have been very quiet on the blog for a while. I believe to some extent it is attributable to pandemic blues that I had been feeling. I found 2021 to be more difficult to handle than 2020.  I have been out and about in London, had a few staycations but yet the pandemic and the news about variants looming about ever so often and working from home has been keeping me preoccupied. And whatever little energy I have left, I have been directing towards posting stories and scrolling on Instagram.

I am trying to shake away the slumber and get back in to blogging regularly again this year.

So, I thought I would begin this years blog with a reflection on my Childfree Life. Now when I began the journey of childfree life with my husband, I had no clue that there was a term called ‘Childfree by choice’. I happened to find the term when I researched a few years back , to write a blog about it.

I wanted to voice myself and once for all and put an end to this conversation. I thought it will be cathartic . In my naivety, I thought that was the end of the conversation. Once I would publish the blog, we would carry on with our lives.  What I had not realized I had opened a Pandora s box and for some unknown reason I had declared myself to be this alien on a public platform, perhaps even to an extent an evil person. I would be that wicked aunt who loves her pets, lives alone in a big old house, being unkind and resentful.

Since then I am still having conversations ,chats and trying to break the stigma and myths associated with Childfree life. This post is part of one such conversations.

Let me start by introducing myself with some facts

  1. I am Usha, I am originally from Southern India and currently live in London with my husband, who says I am a creature of habit.
  2. I get easily distracted with simple things in life and often spend my time musing about such inconsequential things and banalities of life.
  3. I am a bookaholic, love books, bookstores, and libraries, curiously enough I have not shared much about books and reading on my blog.
  4. I am a history buff, but I am not a historian
  5. I am a mental health champion and take action to raise awareness of mental health and challenge the stigma associated with it.
  6. I am an introvert and value my solitude and peace , but I am not lonely.
  7. I have a family which is complete, which consists of me and my husband. We are childfree but we don’t have pets.
  8. I cannot say I have an extraordinary life, but I am certain I have a happy life.
  9. I am peaceful and content with my life.
  10. I identify myself as a Childfree woman, yet that is not my only identity. I am a wife, daughter, sister, and a friend. I have a 9-5 job. I am a soul searcher, blogger, traveler, and an avid reader. I dream someday I would write a book. So that also makes me a dreamer and aspirer.

I believe I am much more than a Childfree woman. I am all of the above and much more than that.

When I started the journey of Childfree life, at some levels I had accepted that I am going to have to be answerable to or explain for the rest of my life as having made a very different life choice than what the society had taught me. Yet I do not accept that it is correct to have to explain my childfree life choice. It is a perfect example of dichotomy of life.

It is tiresome answering constant barrage of questions and managing unkind comments and treatment. Some of it can take a toll on the mental and physical health and sometimes it can also invalidate me as a person and all that I have achieved.

One of such comment which bothers me a lot is “I am so sorry for you/ I am sorry you don’t have kids”.  

I am not sad, and I don’t feel a void. I have a perfectly simple life; my husband and I have made a choice for us, and we are content and happy about it. It is the unwarranted question and assumptions that make things difficult. They are at times unkind and often are border lining on being offensive.  

I am not entirely sure whose quote it is but I believe it would be good if we can remind ourselves of it before we speak

“ Is it True? Is It necessary? Is it Kind?” 

My personal favorite is the last one. Is it Kind? It is said Kindness does not cost much. So let s be kind and mindful of what is being said.

Recently I had an opportunity to voice my self on my Childfree journey on a podcast “ We are Not Kidding”

This podcast is hosted by Anna Marie Olson is devoted to sharing the stories of the childfree and breaking the stigma

Recently I had an opportunity to voice my self on my Childfree journey on a podcast “ We are Not Kidding”

Link to Podcast

Author:

I am originally from India and currently live in London with my husband. I have acquired a taste for travelling and exploring from my husband, I love to read and often wonder and muse about inconsequential things and banalities of life. I have an amazing set of friends who patiently listen to my incessant musings and wondering about life. I thought I should start a blog and send my wonderings and musings, in to ether. All the photographs used on the blog are my experimental photography using I phone and I Pad. Hope you enjoy reading the blog.

7 thoughts on “Reflections on being a Child Free!!

  1. I enjoyed reading your blog. It is curious how people feel entitled to question a woman’s fertility choice. I chose to have one child, and people have had the nerve to ask “but why don’t you have another one? Don’t you think you’re being unfair to your child. . . Blah blah blah. . .Only children grow up to be selfish. . .” It goes on and on. . . If being child free is your choice, then so be it. We have the right to be authentic to our deepest selves, and to tell others to respect our choices. We never should feel that we need to explain our choices.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by. So true , we have to be authentic to ourselves. A friend of my mine who has one child has similar experience as yours . People do need to rethink and be more considerate. What they say will not change my mind, I wonder sometimes it is comes from lack of knowledge. Really appreciate you stopping by and your kind comments.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome. Maybe your blog will enlighten people who don’t realize they are being inconsiderate. I think some people just don’t think how their words impact others, and I honestly don’t think it is with malice of forethought in some cases. Still, it is necessary to let them know not to ask such personal questions. Have a wonderful week.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Enjoyed reading your blog Usha . It reminded me of a recent incident. When we brought Auro home someone said to me….” Oh yeah can understand you getting a pet….you don’t have kids no” I feel people do not realise that they are being unkind. Is it necessary and Is it kind ….very key aspects to consider before we comment on such sensitive topics

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Pooja. Yeah absolutely . It s always good to stop and think through before you speak. I have had comments ‘you dont have kids , why dont you get a dog?’ Its unsolicited advice, trying to solve a ‘problem ‘which does not exist .

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for sharing with us your story. It is your life ,your choice.but people always ask why don’t you have a child if you don’t want it, if you have one why don’t you have two, if you have 5, why do you have 5 and so on…the only person we should answer to is ourselves and live the life that makes us happy.🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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