Posted in Musings

Reflections on being a Child Free!!

I am beginning this blog with a quote from Maya Angelou. It is one of my favorite quotes. I find it very inspiring and it resonates with me a lot.

I am enroute. I am still enroute.  I don’t know when I know enough. I know, I know a lot and I am grateful for that. I know I know enough to try to live what I know. That’s a lot. But I still don’t have it all.

I have been very quiet on the blog for a while. I believe to some extent it is attributable to pandemic blues that I had been feeling. I found 2021 to be more difficult to handle than 2020.  I have been out and about in London, had a few staycations but yet the pandemic and the news about variants looming about ever so often and working from home has been keeping me preoccupied. And whatever little energy I have left, I have been directing towards posting stories and scrolling on Instagram.

I am trying to shake away the slumber and get back in to blogging regularly again this year.

So, I thought I would begin this years blog with a reflection on my Childfree Life. Now when I began the journey of childfree life with my husband, I had no clue that there was a term called ‘Childfree by choice’. I happened to find the term when I researched a few years back , to write a blog about it.

I wanted to voice myself and once for all and put an end to this conversation. I thought it will be cathartic . In my naivety, I thought that was the end of the conversation. Once I would publish the blog, we would carry on with our lives.  What I had not realized I had opened a Pandora s box and for some unknown reason I had declared myself to be this alien on a public platform, perhaps even to an extent an evil person. I would be that wicked aunt who loves her pets, lives alone in a big old house, being unkind and resentful.

Since then I am still having conversations ,chats and trying to break the stigma and myths associated with Childfree life. This post is part of one such conversations.

Let me start by introducing myself with some facts

  1. I am Usha, I am originally from Southern India and currently live in London with my husband, who says I am a creature of habit.
  2. I get easily distracted with simple things in life and often spend my time musing about such inconsequential things and banalities of life.
  3. I am a bookaholic, love books, bookstores, and libraries, curiously enough I have not shared much about books and reading on my blog.
  4. I am a history buff, but I am not a historian
  5. I am a mental health champion and take action to raise awareness of mental health and challenge the stigma associated with it.
  6. I am an introvert and value my solitude and peace , but I am not lonely.
  7. I have a family which is complete, which consists of me and my husband. We are childfree but we don’t have pets.
  8. I cannot say I have an extraordinary life, but I am certain I have a happy life.
  9. I am peaceful and content with my life.
  10. I identify myself as a Childfree woman, yet that is not my only identity. I am a wife, daughter, sister, and a friend. I have a 9-5 job. I am a soul searcher, blogger, traveler, and an avid reader. I dream someday I would write a book. So that also makes me a dreamer and aspirer.

I believe I am much more than a Childfree woman. I am all of the above and much more than that.

When I started the journey of Childfree life, at some levels I had accepted that I am going to have to be answerable to or explain for the rest of my life as having made a very different life choice than what the society had taught me. Yet I do not accept that it is correct to have to explain my childfree life choice. It is a perfect example of dichotomy of life.

It is tiresome answering constant barrage of questions and managing unkind comments and treatment. Some of it can take a toll on the mental and physical health and sometimes it can also invalidate me as a person and all that I have achieved.

One of such comment which bothers me a lot is “I am so sorry for you/ I am sorry you don’t have kids”.  

I am not sad, and I don’t feel a void. I have a perfectly simple life; my husband and I have made a choice for us, and we are content and happy about it. It is the unwarranted question and assumptions that make things difficult. They are at times unkind and often are border lining on being offensive.  

I am not entirely sure whose quote it is but I believe it would be good if we can remind ourselves of it before we speak

“ Is it True? Is It necessary? Is it Kind?” 

My personal favorite is the last one. Is it Kind? It is said Kindness does not cost much. So let s be kind and mindful of what is being said.

Recently I had an opportunity to voice my self on my Childfree journey on a podcast “ We are Not Kidding”

This podcast is hosted by Anna Marie Olson is devoted to sharing the stories of the childfree and breaking the stigma

Recently I had an opportunity to voice my self on my Childfree journey on a podcast “ We are Not Kidding”

Link to Podcast