The last three months have been very different and I do believe these very strange times we are living in . As 2020 began,I imagined it would be a roaring twenties, roar it did, just a bit differently to what i had thought of. It started with the roaring fires in Australia and then an unseen virus brought the world to a grinding halt.
Change and uncertainty is not something I handle very well. My husband calls me a creature of habit. I start worrying and panicking when an uncertain event rears its head. Over the years I have learnt that life at most of the times is uncertain and to let the change and the anxiety along with it take its course. And the fact that the life is uncertain makes uncertainty more manageable. I miss the small details of my pre Corona day to day life. I like the smell of coffee brewing in the morning on the streets of London, the smell of morning air before the traffic sets in, I love walking on the streets of London, taking the tube and route master buses of London, Sitting on the top deck of a bus and watch the lights and the hustle and bustle of Regents street, visiting the gardens centers and picking out flower beds for summer, going to the museums and exhibitions,walking around in historic homes and gardens. These are some of the tiny joys that I miss and wistfully think of. What was my day to day life , has become nostalgia in a matter of few weeks.
I understand the cause and effect cycle, for instance, a table is weak, but I still jump on it and fall. The fall was caused by my action to jump. There are many cause and effect cycle, some cause and effect cycles are a chance, a random occurrence of an event, an even which you have not caused but you are present there. I would not discuss more on cause and effect cycle, there are many scenarios. Most of the uncertain events I have encountered in my life so far , have not been caused by me, which has led me to become over zealously organised and a cautious person. I go in to a mode of careful planning and organising for every detail and part of life, so I am better prepared even for a chance occurrence. Over the years , as I have grown older, I have realized, I cannot be prepared for every occurrence , I have no control over the actions of others or the collective action or a chance occurrence. And sometimes you can be could be caught up in cross fire between two groups, or you are an unintentional casualty of someone else s bad attitude and get hurt emotionally. The word that describes this perfectly is collateral damage. I have learnt not to carry such damage and hurt along. In the wise words of Maya Angelou, ” Forgiveness is a greatest gift you can give yourself. You are relieved of the burden of carrying that resentment. ..You cant forgive without loving, and I don’t mean sentimentality, I don’t mean mush, I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, I forgive , I am finished with it.”
Another important thing I have learnt over the years is that not all cause and effect cycles are bad. Lockdown and quarantine have brought about lot of changes around the society, for some it has caused serious damages, to both physical and monetary well being , and for some it has caused emotional distress, the effects of the trauma of lockdown are not fully known as of yet. Lockdown is also a collective awakening of people , to re evaluate our choices collectively as a community and individually, a social experiment of universe giving us an opportunity to take a breather from our mad rush, turn inwards, experience the slower life, think of the impact caused by our collective actions, rethink , be more kind and considerate to us and all around us.
I see the lock down as a different period of my life, not necessarily a bad one,but certainly a different one. It follows a different pattern to life and needs me to re jig the rhythm to my day to day activity. It has given me a chance to reconnect with myself, follow a new routine, re evaluate my needs and choices, different ways to work, a different way to stay connected with family and friends. I also noticed even though I had so much of time at hand, I have not done much. I have a readers block, I have not read a single book in the last three months. I have not used the time to acquire new skills let alone practice the existing skills.I usually practice mindfulness and meditating, but I have not meditated in a while. I have carried on doing my day to day chores to the best of my abilities, given the current situation. I tried to get adjusted to the new rhythm of live.
I have enjoyed watching Netflix and then got bored of watching it. I started cooking enthusiastically and then realized all I was doing was getting worked up and constantly badgering my husband ” What shall I cook for breakfast, what shall I do for lunch and oh god now what I can I rustle up for dinner”.
I have attempted to bake Vegan cakes and not getting them right and getting stressed. Then Persistently looking for better recipes and attempting again and getting it right.
I have found new ways staying in touch with friends. We have kept ourselves amused by pinging each other random questions ranging from existential philosophy, Eastern karmic Philosophy to what food awakens your soul or I learnt this new word or on someday just sending messages to each other I am ok here. Are you ok?
I have enjoyed spending time with my husband, going on long walks, enjoying breakfast with him, sipping coffee in the garden, watering the plants in the garden with him, telling him off when he was playing too much games on the play station, getting told off by him that I stare at the social media feeds too much, Listening to philosophical podcasts and having theological arguments with him, listening to music and falling asleep on the couch on his shoulder ,watch him getting frustrated that there is no avoiding my company ( evil laugh)!!!!
I have found a new way to picnic with friends by staying an alligator length apart. It was one the most memorable experience of Corona times. Bring your own food, blankets ,drinks and lots of hand sanitizers and enjoy a picnic with lovely friend in the woods. Not Sharing is caring.
Love in the times of Corona!!! I enjoyed participating in a wedding of the youngest cousin back in India and blessing the wedding from the comforts of my bed in London. It is the first wedding have taken part in PJs and a t shirt.
I would like to keep some the changes brought on by this pandemic and make some more changes. I would like to keep the change of having more work life balance, continue to be a conscious about environment and be more green, shop local and stay connected with my environment.
I was watching a Life Advice video of Denzel Washingtonon youtube a few weeks ago and his words stayed with me.
“Keep moving, keep growing, keep learning and see how it goes”-